'A Christmas Story'

A Christmas Story, the 1983 comedy that has become a holiday classic, has become a staple with my mom and my siblings. Set in the 1950s, the comedy contains a number of subplots, each based on short stories and anecdotes of author Jean Shepherd. One of the favorites, of course, is involves Raphie's friends, who issues a "triple dog dare" over whether a tongue will stick to a frozen flagpole. The hapless taker of the bet promptly finds his tongue attached. Everyone flees into the school, even Ralphie, who takes one last look of shock before the scrambling away. 

A close second in comedic scenes is the subplot in which the Old Man (played by Darren McGavin) enters a sweepstakes and wins a "major award." A large wooden crate marked "FRAGILE" arrives at their home.

The crate contains a lamp shaped liked a woman's leg wearing a fishnet stocking. The Old Man's wife doesn't see the charm in the lamp; she is even less pleased when the Old Man puts the lamp in the front window. She is horrified about what neighbors and passersby must think.

The disagreement finally results with the Old Man's wife breaking the lamp, which of course leaves him furious.

Well, roughly 60 have passed since the events in the comedy. If the film were remade today in the current genre, the Old Man would be a metrosexual, and his wife a juried-class potter who spent time at Occupy Wall Street. The lamp would arrive in a corrugated cardboard box, cushioned in styrofoam pellets. It still would be marked "FRAGILE," but since the couple had a two-week vacation in Tuscany the previous summer, the Old Man wouldn't pronounce it "fra-GEE-lay" except in an ironic sense. The lamp would be much more provocative, but very satisfactory to both husband and wife, who gladly place it in the front window to demonstrate their artistic sensibility. The lamp also would delight their son, Randolph, who is bicurious. So here it is:

Phew! That's a long road to travel for the sake of one photo of a handsome lad in a lampshade! I hope you enjoyed the journey. Merry Christmas!